15 Things About My Sexuality

This article was first published on 17 December 2010.

  1. I’m a 21yr old female and I am straight. I think. Maybe I am bi curious. I have the right to explore my own sexuality as long as I’m responsible about it so I still haven’t decided.
  2. At age 8 I got my first kiss, through a raja rani game from a 12 yr old boy who knew what he was doing I am sure, but I did not.
  3. At age 9-10 I was molested by my karate master and because I did not know what was right touch and wrong touch he used to … play with me as a special reward for my good performances. I liked it. And I hated myself when I found out what he was really doing.
  4. I got called a slut because I used to speak to boys. Because I dated ONE boy. That was the society then.
  5. I had sex, because I had this underlying deep seated need to be held, loved, to be told I was beautiful or amazing… because of certain things that happened during my childhood that had affected my self esteem, I  think.
  6. Sex is something I discovered slowly. Even in school most girls did not know anything and I would tell them everything about it.
  7. Masturbation was completely by accident. And I do it nearly everyday. I have been quite open about my sex life and I’d like to describe myself as a very sexual person.
  8. I am open about my sexuality and get very misunderstood about it.
  9. I didn’t use condoms before. I have had abortions. And I’ve realized what a huge mistake I made.
  10. I only realized there was something called cervical cancer a year ago and it scares me to death.
  11. I still don’t have a place I could safely go get a pap smear without someone else knowing. My abortions were in smaller clinics and all hush hush. and i will never live it down.
  12. The relationship I am in right now was initially emotionally abusive but things have changed now because I stood up for myself.
  13. I think sex-ed is important and people should love their bodies, love themselves so they can be in fulfilling relationships.
  14. My sexuality has always been judged, misinterpreted and surprised many people including my most accepting friends.
  15. We  need to stand up for our sexuality because it is so important in us and somewhere along the line we lost its value and it got degraded we have to be strong enough to be ourselves…in all our glory and all our mistakes. Not be judged but be accepted. We need to know everything about our body because it is our birthright. It is mine and I take it.

Anonymous, 21, Chennai